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Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
8:20 pm
i feel like crap...

i can't really explain it...

if you dont hate me please tell me so i dont feel like the entire world wants me to feel miserable...

i need to do something with myself...and soon.

current mood: crushed

(11 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Thursday, April 7th, 2005
10:31 am - my bleeding knuckes will show my desire to smash catholicism
so yea...

i picked up a catholic magazine at a store today.. it was free and im always up for doodling on the pope and jesus face (i wrote EARTH CRISIS on the popes cheeks) and was flipping through it and finally got to the 4 page article on homosexuality. OH..MY..FUCKING..GOD... some of the most offensive, upsetting things ive ever read.... i dont even want to type them out.... i dont want to think about them.. just from a queer kid's point of view it just kind of made me want to die.... or make other people dead... so yea... i got off the L and walked down the alley and turned around and started punching the nearest wall.... what i really wanted to do was grab a baseball bat, hammer nails in it, dip it in alcohol, light it on fire, find the person who wrote that article and SMASH THEIR FUCKING FACE IN! but ill let them live so then they can live their life with their face looking as ugly and mutilated as they are on the fucking inside. i cannot express the hatred im feeling right now. i cant even sleep... i feel like death. the pope is lucky hes already dead cause id fly to rome and give him the same fucking beatdown i would the other guy.... maybe i could do it to his corpse... its open casket right?


current mood: nauseated

(4 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
9:32 pm - oh.my.fucking.god....GO SEE SIN CITY NOW!!!!!!!!!!
sin city is the fucking best movie ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cannot begin to explain the greatness.... holy fuck. so much castration! so much death of cops! so much revenge!!!! one of the protaganists has got to be the (pronounced THEE) most bad ass person ive ever fucking seen!!! elijah woods a fucking crazy ass religious cannibal!!!!! we must all put an effort to arm all prostitutes with samurai swords and slaughter and castrate all rapists!!! torture torture torture!!!!!!! im totally seeing it again.... its wonderful. i must sound so sick.... hehe

current mood: ecstatic

(4 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Friday, April 1st, 2005
8:35 pm
ive got alota energy all stuck inside of me, it seems to inspire the need to do something about it....

stuff i want to do
-stop being so fucking shy...(i.e. be able to make phone calls and ask people for favors)
-tell people how i actually feel about stuff! dont hide feelings!
-be more active and involved with stuff (CAN..maybe?? get in more groups... i need to be more activist-esque)
-read more fucking books... the new book group im in should help this if i wasnt so damn antisocial at times....
-cook for myself more..(get vegan cookbook and start using babysitting money on groceries instead of pointless shit)
-start painting or doing something artistic... art classes??
-eat healthier. period.
-get a job... until im 16 and of legal working age, babysit more and maybe make and sell stuff (paintings, knitting...etc.)
-listen to more music... music is one of the small things in life that makes me happy and i need more of it...
-going along with the above, learn to play something... no idea what though.. i used to take piano... im not sure if thats my thing though... could be... my cousin just told me to learn the cello... hmmm...
-sing more...im fairly good at it but not produvtive at all...maybe singing lessons?
-write stuff... poetry?? anything to vent feelings other than fucking livejournal...
-start a garden!!!!!! theres totally a space in my backyard.. i just gotta fix it up some and get some seeds.
-ride my bike more! itll toughen up my legs and ya know... less pollution and junk.
-see more movies.. i dont go to the movies alot but i should... it makes me happy... and stop going to movies alone... grab people to go with dammit!
-do yoga or something... as dorky as it sounds... my mom does it and shes all calm and stuff..it seems theraputic.
-STOP FUCKING DRINKING COKE!!!!!! drink that whole foods natural cola and china cola instead
-cut down on caffeine(sp?) period
-learn how to ride my goddamn unicycle
-learn how to weld and make myself a rockin bike like a chopper or tallbike or something... (yea right)
-stop using livejournal to vent and rant... actually communicate with people!

current mood: bitchy

(1 time said over and over | say the same things...)

Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
8:47 pm - oh airplanes how i do hate thee...
so im going to california tomorrow... give a shout if you wanna souvenier or postcard or to wish me luck or... somethin...

current mood: blah

(5 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Monday, March 28th, 2005
11:24 pm
today was good.

i went to alyses house and we headed to her dads work to make tons and tons-o-copies of flyers and safe sex packets and junk. we ate pudding and hummus (which i learned can be spelled h-u-m-m-O!-s, whoa!) sandwiches and talked. then when the hundreds of billions of copies were done we went to the haymarket statue and alyse told me loads about it, it was fun and educational. after that we headed on a mystical magical journey to the fuckin north suburbs to charlies house, which ended up being alison picking us up, then picking him up and us driving back to the city to a CAN meeting, which i had never been to one so it was quite an expirience... and liberte saw me and was like "you're here!!" and gave me a huge hug, which i enjoyed. the meeting was loooong, but good. im sad because while im in california im missing like all the demos that are going on. i need to get more active when i get back and start going to meetings and demos and stuff... must be more active! alison drove me home, which made me happy, cause free rides are great... *sigh* oh happiness, you sure do rock.

current mood: happy

(7 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Thursday, March 24th, 2005
8:12 pm
hmm... so much to report... so little energy.

so on tuesday i went to the body worlds exhibit. it was really cool. i really liked the people that were only made out of veins and arteries and stuff. i got to play with a lung! it was so squishy and weird and amazing. this one corpse dude had a really bad d.i.y. tattoo and it was awesome. katy and i decided that female reproductive organs are prettier than male reproductive organs. i think uteruses are cute. so there.

there were little baby chicks hatching at the museum too. it was so cool. i got to see something being born. it was kinda beautiful. we all named chicks after us. max the one who kept doing flips because shes all flexible and does yoga and gymnasics and stuff, katy was the one that had a piece of shell over its eye cause she has bad eyesight, kennedy was the one hiding in its egg for awhile, charlie was the one that broke the shell and then just laid there chillin out, and zelda was the one that busted out of its shell without stopping once. oh yea... i had me a buff little chick. then, the next day, to my extreme horrification (is that a word?) J told me something that i probably should have noticed but was shocked all the same. theres little fluffy baby chicks there... but theres no actual big grownup chickens. THEY FUCKING KILL THE BABY CHICKS!!!! GODDAMN THEM!!!!! i almost cried, but was more infuriated. im breaking into the museum, setting the baby chickens free, and finding whoever started the whole thing and breaking their fucking kneecaps.

after the museum i hung out at alyse, J and emeldas house. it was uber fun-ness.

yesterday i was babysitting and one of the kids elbowed the other kid in the face. i put him in time out for an hour, and his mom got pissed at me. "you dont do that! you apologize to him now!" *sigh* it made me feel like a bad person... it still does. i laid on the kids bed and cried. it probably didnt help that i have PMS and was in one of those i'm-really-depressed-for-no-reason moods. i spent like 20 minutes today ranting to charlie about it. it helped that i had someone to talk to and just get stuff off my chest...

im going to san fransisco for spring break... i dont feel as excited as i should... its probably just my fear of airplanes mixed with the knowledge that im going to miss people... even if its only for like 10 days, 10 days is a long time....

current mood: mellow

(say the same things...)

Saturday, March 19th, 2005
4:56 pm - 1-2-3-4, bush and cheney CORPORATE WHORES!
yea so i ended up going to the march. it was really fun. i spent the good part of about 3 hours yelling and chanting and waving a black flag and stuff. food not bombs served free food, which was super yummy too. oh yea.

HOLY SHIT i just saw myself on the news!!!!!!! whoa! im famous now!!!!!!!!!

i wanna be a radical cheerleader... those guys are so awesome.

current mood: endorphinafied

(1 time said over and over | say the same things...)

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
11:16 am - good shows rock so hard
yea, last night was the most fun i've had in a long time
and you shall know him by the trail of his teeth...Collapse )

current mood: pleased

(4 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
9:03 pm
i cried today. for the first time in i think a couple months. i was at school and my dad called me saying i had to leave at that minute and was just yellig and wouldnt let me get a word out. then i called kelly and she started yelling at me cause i needed tobring her son home and all that good stuff. i was kindof in shock of kelly yelling at me and my dad just basically had tripped the wire to a ticking bomb so i just broke down in tears. i was supposed to be facepainting/tattooing for this dealie at school. J told me to give him a tattoo of all my pain and anger and frustration. i drew a buncha bloody stick figures one of which had a severed head being carried but a big bird that looked more like a flying shark. he told me to do it to make me feel better, and it did. it did indeed. j said he should actually get the tattoo of what i had drawn on him. that made me laugh. it makes me feel better that there are people like that who actually care if im okay or not and if im not they try to fix it. people like that are awesome.

current mood: drained

(8 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Monday, March 7th, 2005
8:02 pm - hehe
this icon could entertain me for hours

current mood: cheerful

(3 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Sunday, March 6th, 2005
9:30 am - oh quiz results....
Kathleen Hanna
You are Kathleen Hanna! Poster child of the riot
grrls, you've grown up a little in the last few
years. You've brought rape, feminism,
sexuality, and wymyn surviving hard shit into
the mainstream through art, music, and
spokenword. You're PUNKROCK! But, like, for

Which Western feminist icon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Fight Club.

What Chuck Palahniuk novel are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

#6 Kiriyama
- #3 Kenai

Which Battle Royale Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hell yes...

current mood: productive

(say the same things...)

Friday, March 4th, 2005
3:03 pm - craziness....
so apparently mel gibson is putting the passion back in theaters but the only difference is he cut out like 6 or 7 minutes of the crazy, gory, metal scourging scene.... geez the way some people make money

current mood: aggravated

(2 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Monday, February 28th, 2005
7:46 pm - goddamnit.
uh... lets edit this shall we?

i feel like crap.

today in vegan gym i couldnt do the wallsits. i almost cried when i told J to get off my lap. charlie and J both did the wallsits for 4 minutes... and i couldnt do it for 3. and i only could do 16 reps on my first set on benchpressing. all i could think of was 'whats wrong with me?' i couldnt do it....

i felt feel so weak.

i fucking did the goddamn wallsits and rocked the fuck out! oh yea! i did wallsits for 4 minutes with charlie on my lap! i am tough as a mofo!!!!!!!!!!!!! no more feelin weak for zelda! ::flexes muscles:: grrrr!!!

current mood: accomplished

(1 time said over and over | say the same things...)

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
9:39 pm - yay for bike riding!
so i finally got my bike back from marlas house! yay! i rode it all the way to school from her house, which isnt that far but it still kinda sucked because my legs were still kinda mad at me from the wallsits yesterday... and there was definitley this hill that i was considering just walking my bike up but i just though "no.... that hill is totally challenging me!" so i defeated it! i totally kicked that hills ass.

i read leahs journal this morning and it kind of made me really upset... almost to the point of tears. i started out yelling "WHAT THE HELL" at leah, which made me feel bad cause it wasnt her fault and i kinda made a big scene (out of pretty much nothing i might add)... something i really cant deal with. after my 30 second fit of rage i crashed and burned and just had to sit on the table with my head in my hands like a little kid... i hid the bathroom and almost cried... but it wouldnt come out. when i came back i just kinda stood looking sad...i guess i looked sad, charlie asked me if i was okay... J gave me a piece of his cookie, which by the way made me feel alot better. the cookie was super yummy and it just made me feel loved.

later i went on a walk with charlie and emelda. we didnt really have a destination so we just followed every arrow we saw... except the ones that would cause us to go back and forth for the rest of our lives and this one in an alley that pointed into a bar. we had to step over this chain in a parking lot and i totally tripped on it and fell flat on my face... it hurt but i was more embarrassed than in pain. dunno why though... people usually seem to be more concerned than amused at your clumsiness. meh. we eventually found a toy store and emelda bought us all sparkly glitter bracelets. yay!!!

current mood: pleased

(6 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
6:14 pm - ihhhhh....pain
well the past two days have been....interesting.

yesterday i went on a fucking date! oh yea! i went and saw Constantine with this dude adam. he bought my ticket and coffee afterward..it rocks not having to pay for stuff. Constantine is awesome because it contains demons, anti-smoking messages and brass knuckles!

after the movie marla came and picked me up and we cruised around the city in her car listening to against me! we drove past of my school and marla was shocked how small it was. hehe "small"

god today i did wallsits for 3 minutes and it sucked... oh crap i forgot to mention that charlie was on my goddamn lap the whole time!!! i felt so tough but it hurt so bad goddamnit. when i finally got up to walk around i took like 5 steps and one of my legs completely just gave out! so i decided to lay on the floor for a sec. it was awesome in a scary/not-having-control-over-your-own-limbs kinda way.

alyse complimented my shoes today. hooray! this makes me happy.

i got on the el and it was completley full so i was pressed against the door. my legs were shaking from earlier so i was terrified they were just gonna give out on the train and i would fall on all these people. it was an uncomfortable claustrophobic hellhole. but i totally dumpstered a loaf of french bread from a bakery by marlas house to make myself feel better, and it did.

dude there comes a point when holding up your own body weight just makes you wanna die.

current mood: sore

(2 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Sunday, February 20th, 2005
9:40 pm
me and christine broke up

current mood: melancholy

(11 times said over and over | say the same things...)

10:40 am - im sorry, i just couldnt resist...

Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band

Created by naw5689 and taken 18479 times on bzoink!

Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:against me!
Are you male or female:does it make a difference?
Describe yourself:baby, im an anarchist!
How do some people feel about you:disgust
How do you feel about yourself:once pure
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:haste killed creativity
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:we laugh at danger(and break all the rules)
Describe where you want to be:mutiny on the electronic bay
Describe what you want to be:all or nothing
Describe how you live:rock 'n' roll bullshit
Describe how you love:24 hours a day
Share a few words of wisdomy'all dont wanna step to dis

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

current mood: giggly

(2 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Monday, February 14th, 2005
9:17 pm - happy ♥ day!
♥ best valentines/hallmark day ever! ♥Collapse )

current mood: enthralled

(9 times said over and over | say the same things...)

Sunday, February 13th, 2005
4:39 pm - humanity really likes to gnaw at my nerves
well the past two days have been absolutley riveting i can tell you.

friday max joe and i were eating at the park because it was a beeyootiful day. after we ate we were sitting on the jungle gym thing and a couple kids like 13 or 14 years old came up to us saying "oh my friend over there wants to holla at you" which kinda made me laugh becuase who picks up a punk rock kid at a playground i ask you? me and max just kept saying "no thanks" and started walking towards school which was about 3 blocks away from the park. they asked us where we went to school and i pointed in the general direction and said "that way" and max said "the chicago sudbury school" so we left the park and started walking and then they started following us, we realized this and bolted but then they friggin chased us. we ended up jaywalking(running?) across the street which is against the rules, but those losers chased us all the way back to school and lemme tell you its hard to run after youve done vegan gym and ate a huge lunch so i was kinda lagging behind. one of the staff members had to go down and tell all those kids (there were like 10 of them) to fuck off. i mean they probably wouldnt have done anything but getting chased is kinda scary. max told charlie to walk me to the el after school cause she didnt want me walking by myself. all three of us are probably gonna get JC sentences for jaywalking too... goddamnit.

then yesterday me and christine (this awesome chick i met on the bus and who is now like my best friend) were just hanging out and decided to take the bus to the movies. we waited in the cold for about 20 minutes for a bus. when we finally got on the bus was packed and people started saying shit loud enough so we could hear them about our clothes and hair (mine is pink hers is green). this chick we were standing by asked "why do you dress like that" so i said "why do you dress like that?" she said "cause its in style" and i said "well i dont like the style... i dont like dressing like everyone else" she said "i dont dress like everyone else" though i could have easily pointed out at least 4 other people on that bus with about the same outfit (i.e. tight blue jeans and roca wear hoodies) so i just kept my mouth shut. after about a minute the girl she was sitting whith said "y'all arent lesbians are you"" and i had an invoulentary brain spasm and snapped "why, ya interested?" and that shut her up. it was about another 10 minutes to the mall and we were still standing up and people were still staring at us and one guy just yelled "ya'll need to siddown with that green and pink shit" so i decided to shut them up and go sit down. there was only on seat so i told christine to sit on my lap. well... as you can imagine that made everyone staring at us yell and scream. people kept going on about us being lesbians and we got at least 50 requests to make out on the bus... but we just sat there. some chick sitting in front of us kept saying "that aint right, two girls kissing" and i wanted to smack her in the back of the head (with a hammer) but yea... we got to the mall and had more people stare at us and on the busride back some guy with a 3 year old kid asked us if we were in a metal band. we said no and he said 'you should, make a little music smoke a little weed" and i said "uhm, i dont do drugs." and he shook his head. 2 minutes later his daughter said something and he just said "SHUT UP!" which made me wanna cry and scream at the same time.

i fucking hate humanity sometimes. yes i kiss girls, no i will not do it in front of a huge group of people who think im just a queer freak show. yes my hair is pink, no that does not mean i drink myself stupid and pop pills that make me see little pink and purple spots. goddamn.... people.

current mood: pessimistic

(8 times said over and over | say the same things...)

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